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5 Signs You Aren’t Practicing Self-Care

August 6, 2018 by Thiera Lane

Self-care is complex. Anyone can tell you to do it, but only you can bestow the gift of self-care onto yourself. But before you can begin bestowing, you’ve got to first recognize that you are worthy of caring for yourself as you do others.

How do you do this? By noticing the ways in which you are currently not taking very good care of yourself.

Here are 5 signs you aren’t practicing self-care. If any seem familiar, it is time to make more time for yourself:

1. You Get Sick More Often

When we don’t take proper care of ourselves, our health takes a big hit. Lack of proper sleep and nutrition can lead to a taxed immune system, which in turn makes you vulnerable to infections, colds, flu, and other immune-related medical problems.

2. Increased Moodiness

What happens when a child does not get the care and attention they deserve? They begin to act out in order to get any attention. In much the same way, a lack of self-care and feeling of unimportance can lead to increased irritability. Leaving this unchecked can result in personal and professional relationships being negatively affected.

3. Unpleasant Physical Symptoms

What can start out as unpleasant (and even scary) physical symptoms, can be a sign of poor self-care. Symptoms may include dizziness, shortness of breath, chest pains, heart palpitations, abdominal pain, headaches, and fainting spells. All of these symptoms should be checked out by your healthcare provider immediately.

4. A Feeling of Isolation

When you feel you don’t deserve to care for yourself, you naturally feel unworthy of enjoying other aspects of life, like socializing and a true connection to friends and family. This can lead to a detachment of others and a sense of isolation.

5. Depression

Feelings of worthlessness can snowball into feelings of hopelessness and depression. If you have noticed yourself slipping farther and farther into a depression, it is important that you seek help from a mental health professional. They can help you recognize where the darkness has come from, and how to break through back into the light.

If you or a loved one is experiencing depression, or would simply like some help practicing self-care, please be in touch with me. I would be more than happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

Filed Under: General, Self-Esteem

Snack on Spirituality: How Meditation Can Help Kick Your Cravings

July 30, 2018 by Thiera Lane

It’s 10pm. Do you know where your junk food is?

Unfortunately, it’s a bad habit many of us can relate to: that unwanted craving for junk food. Whether it’s a craving for ice cream right after dinner, or a hankering for potato chips while you watch the nightly news, food cravings are a bad habit most of us would like to drop. One of the easiest ways to drop a bad habit is through the practice of meditation.

What exactly is meditation? Meditation is a practice of “thoughtless awareness,” where we bring ourselves to a state of deep peace by quieting and calming the mind as we remain alert. Through the practice of meditation, you can begin to reduce stress and improve both mental and physical health.

Here’s how meditation can help reduce your food cravings.

Exert Better Control

A 2009 Duke University/CalTech study found that the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, the section of the brain activated by people with high willpower, is the same area of the brain that’s especially active during meditation. Other studies have shown that the anterior cingulate cortex, the part of the brain that relates to self-regulation, is more active in meditators than non-meditators. Through regular meditation, you can exert better control over your decisions throughout the day, and kick those bad food cravings to the curb.

Coping with Stress

It’s well known that stress can cause you to crave junk food. When we’re stressed out, we have a high level of the stress hormone cortisol. If we eat sugar, our body releases serotonin, a hormone that calms and relaxes us. Also, eating foods high in fat, sugar, and salt elicits a strong response in the body’s natural opioids, relieving our stress. Through regular meditation, we can better manage our stress, which will help reduce junk food cravings.

Practicing Mindfulness

Meditation helps us practice mindfulness, which is being more aware of what’s happening in the present moment. To break a bad habit, we have to be aware when it’s happening. With improved mindfulness, we can stop mindless snacking and start to change our unwanted behaviors.

If you’re new to meditating and need help starting out, search YouTube for “guided meditations for breaking bad habits,” or “guided meditations for habit change.” There are also a few guided meditation videos specifically for dealing with food cravings.

Are you struggling with maintaining healthy eating habits and need professional guidance and support? Call me today so we can schedule an appointment.

Filed Under: General, Nutrition

Is Meditation for Me?

June 25, 2018 by Thiera Lane

As beautiful and joyous as life can be, it can also be plain ol’ stressful. Whether it’s hefty mortgage payments, killer commutes, or bosses who don’t give us the credit we deserve, stress can come at us from all different angles.

Surveys have uncovered some pretty disturbing statistics about stress. 33% of people feel they live with extreme stress, while 48% believe the stress in their lives has increased over the past five years. And a whopping 77% of people surveyed said they experience physical symptoms caused by stress.

What are some of these physical symptoms linked to chronic stress?

• Pain of any kind
• Sleep problems
• Autoimmune diseases
• Digestive problems
• Skin conditions, such as eczema
• Heart disease
• Weight problems
• Reproductive issues
• Thinking and memory issues

How Meditation Can Help

There is now scientific evidence that meditation is effective against physical symptoms of stress such as IBS, high blood pressure, and ulcerative colitis. Meditation has been linked with improved immune response, reduction in pain sensitivity, and a shift from negativity to positivity.

Further, research has shown that meditation may physically alter the brain and how we are able to cope with chronic stress.

But what exactly is meditation? When many people hear that word, they have instant visions of people sitting in lotus position chanting, “Ohmmm.”

Mindful meditation is simply the practice of harnessing our attention to quiet our chattering minds. Instead of letting our brains run rampant like energetic puppies, sniffing one thought after another and another and another, mindfulness focuses our attention in the now.

The problem is because mediation is so deceptively simple, many people either feel it can’t possibly work in general, or they won’t benefit from it. And because we live in a society that seems to promote instant gratification, other people expect that after their first 20 minutes of meditating, all of their problems will magically dissolve.

But meditation is called a “practice” for a reason. Like anything else that is beneficial to your mind and body (sound nutrition and exercise), it takes commitment to reap those benefits.

Tips for Beginner Meditators

If you are interested in trying meditation for yourself, here are a few key tips:

• Get comfortable – you don’t have to sit in the lotus pose. You can sit in a comfy chair or even lie down. The trick is to be comfortable enough that your body sensations don’t distract you, but not so comfortable that you fall asleep.
• Don’t try and control your breath, just breathe naturally, simply staying aware of your breath.
• Start with just a few minutes and build from there.
• Don’t try to be perfect. There is no perfection in life or meditation, so just keep practicing every day.

If you find after you’ve been meditating for a little while that you could use some extra help dealing with the stress in your life, get in touch with me. I’d be happy to explore treatment options with you and talk about how I may be able to help.

Filed Under: General

Tips to Talking Mental Health with Your Teen / Child

June 4, 2018 by Thiera Lane

If you or a loved one have been diagnosed with a mental illness, you know firsthand how the diagnosis can impact your life. Mental illness is not only challenging for adults to understand but children as well. With so many myths and misconceptions surrounding mental illness, it’s easy for young people to feel anxious and confused.

With this in mind, here are some tips on how you can speak to your child about mental health.

Be Open

Your child is most likely noticing a change or difference in behavior from mom, dad, or another relative with mental illness. There is no point in keeping it a secret. Be open about the diagnosis and give the illness a name (depression, bipolar disorder…). Doing so will help alleviate some fear and insecurities as well as clear up any incorrect assumptions.

Alleviate Fault or Responsibility

Most kids naturally feel they want to help fix mommy or daddy, or they may feel something they did caused their loved one to not be well.

Reassure your child and explain that the illness is not their fault nor their responsibility.

Invite Their Honesty

While you may feel you need to keep a stiff upper lip for your spouse or loved one’s benefit, your kids should feel free to openly express their feelings, whether these feelings be fear, sadness, or anger. Listen to whatever they say without judging what they say.

Invite Questions

Your kids will have a lot of them, so invite them to ask. If they don’t feel comfortable asking questions face-to-face, use a journal. They can write down any questions they want, and you’ll write the answer and give it back to them. Knowing they can come to you and that you are still the parent will give them a much-needed sense of calm and security.

Communicate at a Level that is Age Appropriate

Preschool-age children will need different language than teenagers. They will need less details, whereas older children will want more details. School-age children will take the information shared and begin to worry what it means for them and the family. Be prepared to answer many questions concerning their safety and security.

And teenagers are a unique bunch – you will have to follow your teen’s lead. Some may speak openly, already aware to a certain extent about mental health issues. Some may seem withdrawn and not speak much at all. You will want to continue to check in with them to make sure they are doing okay.

 

Talking to your kids about mental health won’t be easy, but as long as you follow these tips, you will have an opportunity to share important information and offer love, support, and guidance.

If you feel you and your family could use some extra support in discussing a loved one’s mental illness, please get in touch with me. I would be more than happy to talk about counseling options with you.

Filed Under: Family Therapy, General, Teens/Children

3 Signs Social Media Is Hindering Your Happiness

May 22, 2018 by Thiera Lane

How long has it been since you checked your Facebook page or Twitter account? If you’re like most people, you use social media many times throughout the day.

But while you may think social media is fun, studies have suggested that it can take a toll on our emotions. One such study by researchers at the University of Missouri focused on the effects of Facebook on mental health. They discovered that regular use could lead to symptoms of depression if the site triggered feelings of envy in the user.

Professor Margaret Duffy, a co-author of the research, said about the findings, “If it is used as a way to size up one’s own accomplishments against others, it can have a negative effect.”

Other studies have revealed that most people tend to edit photos and only show the ones that make their lives seem more attractive to others.

It is this constant measuring of ourselves against others that causes unimaginable amounts of grief. I see it on an almost-daily basis. Decent people with much to offer feeling unworthy of happiness because they feel inferior to others. They walk into my office with what appears to be the weight of the world on their shoulders.

I have found much of this weight stems from not feeling as “good, smart, pretty, wealthy, or funny” as others.

If you are now wondering whether maybe your happiness has taken a hit from social media use, here are 5 signs it has:

1.  You Need Positive Feedback to Feel Good

Let’s face it, we all love feeling appreciated. It feels good to get that positive feedback when you post a photo or event from your life. But if you find you only have good days on the days you are getting that positive feedback online, you may be depending on social media too much.

2.  You’re an Instant Gratification Addict

We have become a society of people who seek out instant gratification. While it’s okay to want instant oats and instant movie streaming, having a need to instantly feel worthy and good through social media is very harmful.

If the promise of instant gratification is driving your desire to post or share bits of your life, you may have become too dependent.

3.  You’re Reliving the Popularity Contests All Over Again

I find many of my adult clients care just as much about how many Facebook friends and likes they get as my teenage clients do. It’s as if the adults are reliving the high school popularity contests all over again. At the end of the day, are all of those Facebook friends reallyyour friend?

True happiness is having authentic connections with the loved ones in your life. If you’re paying too much attention to how many online friends you have and not enough on whether or not your face-to-face relationships are healthy, you may have a problem.

The next time you find yourself on your social media sites feeling jealous, envious, or somehow less than the people on those pages, remember that people tend to present very biased accounts of their lives. They, like you, want to measure up to the rest of the world.

Know that every human being is essentially struggling to feel worthy of being alive. It’s something we all seem to have in common. Instead of trying to be better than each other, let’s all instead try to have more compassion for each other.

If you or someone you know is having a hard time with self-worth issues and you’d like to speak to someone, please reach out to me. I’d love to discuss how I may be able to help.

Filed Under: General

5 Reasons You’re Spending Too Much Money

April 9, 2018 by Thiera Lane

“Too much month at the end of the money” is a phrase many of us find funny and relatable. But serious financial problems are no laughing matter. Finding yourself eating rice and beans until payday because you spent too much on electronics or the latest fashion trend might seem like no big deal, but what about the big picture? What happens when an emergency comes up? What happens when it’s time to retire?

A 2016 report on financial capability by FINRA Investor Education Foundation found that about 60% of Americans spend about equal or more than their income. And, a GoBankingRates survey in the same year found that 70% of Americans have $100 or less saved for retirement[1]. Not only are most Americans retiring without a savings, they’re retiring in debt.

With statistics like these, you may be ready to start making more responsible money decisions. Here are five reasons you’re spending too much money, and what you can do to change your mindset.

I can’t wait!

There’s nothing quite like instant gratification. But indulging in that impulse buy will either blow your budget, lower your cash flow for the month, or put you further in debt. If you save the money to make that purchase in cash instead, you’ll not only find out over time if you still want it, but you’ll also save potentially hundreds of dollars in the interest you would have paid if you bought it with credit.

It’ll make me feel better.

People often use “retail therapy” to give themselves a mood boost. If you’re feeling down or depressed, find other sources of comfort like a bubble bath, a cup of tea and a book, or a walk in the park.

I’ll be getting more money soon.

Too often, we overestimate our potential for earning money, and underestimate future expenses. If you’re looking to create a comfortable nest egg for yourself, you need to focus on rising future expenses to avoid buying something you really can’t afford.

It’s a special occasion.

Everyone likes to spend a little extra money on a special occasion, but unfortunately, special occasions seem to roll around more often than most of us can afford. Curtail your special occasion spending by setting a cap for the year, then budgeting by month. Save money by planning ahead or handcrafting gifts.

I earned it!

If you just finished a complex project or landed a big client, you might be tempted to overspend to reward yourself. Of course, you earned it, but making responsible financial decisions means you’re making choices not just for your happiness and comfort today, but for decades into the future.

Are you struggling with finances and need help becoming a better money manager? Call my office today and let’s set up an appointment to talk.

[1] 2016 GoBankingRates survey (https://www.gobankingrates.com/saving-money/data-americans-savings/)

Filed Under: General

How Emotions Enter Our Dreams and Impact Our Health

March 31, 2018 by Thiera Lane

Society seems to condition us to always appear calm and in full control of how we feel, no matter the circumstances. Suppressing emotions may seem like a great way to prove that you’re strong and not a weak crybaby but hiding how you really feel can have serious health consequences such as mental fatigue, elevated blood pressure, and sleeping problems.

Common signs that you suppress your emotions as a coping strategy include:

– Using substances like drugs or alcohol to numb the pain and escape from your thoughts.
– Consciously not talking about how you feel.
– Avoiding situations that remind you of your emotions or force you to confront them.
– Distracting yourself as a way to prevent yourself from reacting.

One of the major ways that ‘shutting down’ negative feelings, affects you is by affecting your dreams. The brain naturally tries to work out emotions, but it needs your help to do so. When you refuse to acknowledge these negative emotions, the brain is forced to process them alone. While you sleep, memories are processed and stored. When you refuse to confront your negative emotions while you’re awake, the brain works on combating the negative emotion without you while you sleep at night. This causes these emotions to surface in your unconscious dreaming state.

Research by Malinowski (2017) has confirmed the importance of ‘dream rebound’. When we suppress our emotions, they show up in our dreams. Participants who suppressed negative thoughts had more negative emotions manifesting in their dreams in forms of sadness, fear, anger, and anxiety. Participants who suppressed their negative emotions also had sleep problems and experienced poor sleep quality, difficulty falling asleep, use of sleep medication, restless sleep, and tiredness during the day. They also recorded higher levels of depression, anxiety, and stress.

In essence, researchers discovered that there is a greater tendency for negative emotions experienced during waking hours to manifest within dreams. Especially sadness, fear, anger, and anxiety. Positive emotions did not significantly manifest in dreams. Also, suppression of feelings is associated with poorer sleep quality and correlates with anxiety, depression, and stress.

How To Work Through Your Emotions In A Healthy Manner

Here are a few tips to help you process negative emotions in a healthy way, rather than by suppressing them:

– Journal: Free form journaling can help you purge yourself of the negative emotions that you feel. Writing down your negative feelings and noting possible solutions before going to bed can be cathartic and improves your sleep quality significantly.
– Talk about your dreams: It is incredibly helpful to analyze your dreams with the help of a therapist. Unpacking what happens in these dreams with your therapist can help you identify the particular emotions you’re suppressing and how to manage them in a healthy manner.
– Practice mindfulness: Be mindful of your thoughts. Note them, and then let them go, rather than suppressing them. Meditation can help you feel calmer too.

I help people manage their emotions is the best way possible and unleash their full potential to live and love well. If you need help with managing your negative emotions properly, please contact me to book a session.

Filed Under: General

How to Tell if Therapy is Right for You

March 12, 2018 by Thiera Lane

When it comes to your physical health, it’s pretty easy to know whether or not you need to see a doctor. If you catch a cold, there’s really no need to make an appointment; however, if you break your ankle, you need to immediately get to an emergency room. But when it comes to your mental and emotional health, things aren’t as black and white.

Here are some ways you can tell if therapy is right for you:

Anxiety

It’s common to feel anxious from time to time, but if you’ve noticed your anxiety levels have increased and are interfering with your ability to do normal activities like work, household chores, and sleep, it may benefit you to talk to a mental health professional.

Trauma or Abuse

Trauma and abuse can leave lasting scars that, if left untreated, can negatively impact every aspect of your life, from your relationships to your ability to experience joy and happiness. Coming to terms with your experience by speaking with an empathic and specially-trained therapist can help you to heal.

Addictions

Addiction can destroy lives and families. Recognizing you have an addiction is often the hardest part.

If you feel that a loved one is suffering from an addiction, whether it’s substance abuse, gambling, or a sex addiction, a professional can help. Often it is a loved one of the individual suffering from addiction that will approach a mental health professional first.

Marriage Problems

If you find yourself unable to communicate with your spouse and are wondering if divorce is the only answer, seeking couples counseling could help get the relationship back on track.

Obsessive or Compulsive Behaviors

Life can become unbearable when dealing with obsessive or compulsive disorders. If you find yourself consumed by compulsive thoughts and behaviors that are negatively impacting your relationships in life, seeking therapy can be an important first step to gaining control over your thoughts and behaviors.

Difficult Life Transitions

Difficulties such as the loss of a job, a divorce, or loss of a loved one can make a once-peaceful life seem chaotic and unbearable. The emotions that go along with these challenging life transitions can be too much for many people to handle alone. Speaking with a therapist can be an effective way to work through your emotions and grief.Bottom of Form

Although it can feel frightening and overwhelming to take that first step and reach out to a therapist, learning to manage your emotions and behavior is an investment in yourself that can improve your quality of life in dramatic ways. If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

Filed Under: General

Treat Yourself: The Importance of Putting Yourself First & Self Care

March 1, 2018 by Thiera Lane

If I asked whether you were the victim of childhood emotional neglect (CEN), would you know how to answer? Probably not. CEN is often misunderstood and therefor, misdiagnosed.

Childhood emotional neglect means an individual was not provided the emotional support from parents and other adults that is required to grow up to be a confident person with a healthy self-esteem. Though a parent may never physically harm the child and provide them with food, healthcare, clothing and shelter, they may still emotionally neglect their child causing psychological harm.

Symptoms of CEN

In her book “Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect”, Dr. Jonice Webb outlined some of the most commonsymptoms of CEN:

  • Feeling numb or cut off from your own feelings
  • Feeling like something has always been missing
  • Feeling hollow
  • Having a low self-esteem
  • Feeling the need to be perfect
  • Being overly-sensitive
  • Lack of self-care while taking care of everyone else

That last symptom is a biggie. Have you found that for most of your life, your needs always came second (if not third or fourth?). If yes, it’s time to recognize that your feelings and needs matter.

With this in mind, here are some ways you can begin to treat yourself better:

Take Baby Steps

You’ve spent years believing your needs didn’t matter, don’t expect that putting yourself first will come easy to you. It won’t. It will feel awkward and downright wrong to put yourself first. The important thing is that you take baby steps each day to show yourself you matter.

Ask Yourself What You Need

If you’ve experienced CEN, you’re most likely unaware you even haveneeds, so you probably won’t be able to identify them right away. Take some time to get to know yourself. Ask yourself what you need and be sure to listen!

Stay Healthy

You have a big and exciting journey ahead of you, one in which you will be exploring your inner world and getting to finally know yourself. This is going to require strength and energy. Be sure to avoid processed foods and opt instead for whole foods focusing on fruits and veggies.

Also, be sure to get plenty of exercise and enough rest. Adults generally require seven to nine hours of sleep each night, so don’t cheat your body. And avoid using the TV, computer, or your smartphone before bed.

Learn to Say No

Guess what? If you want to put yourself first more often, you’re going to sometimes have to say “no” to other people. Don’t feel guilty about doing this. Having boundaries is healthy. It’s not only your right to say no to others sometimes, it’s your personal responsibility.

Get Support

As wonderful as your self-discovery journey will be, it will be fraught with bumps in the road. It’s important that you have someone who will support your efforts without judgements or criticism.

Consider seeking guidance from a professional therapist who can help you navigate your complex emotions and offer tools to manage stress in the future. A therapist will help you prioritize your needs moving forward and recognize your emotions and needs matter.

If you’d like to explore treatment options, please be in touch with me. I’d love to discuss how I may be able to help you on your journey.

Filed Under: General

What No One Tells You About Therapy (But Should!)

February 24, 2018 by Thiera Lane

It is said we fear the unknown, which is why many people shy away from receiving therapy. It can be intimidating walking into your therapist’s office for the very first time, not knowing what to expect.

On the flip side, some people assume they know everything about therapy and are then quite surprised when receiving treatment.

The thing is, though therapy is not as stigmatized as it once was, it is still not talked about in most social circles. And so many people have the wrong ideas about it. If you’ve been considering seeking help from a mental health professional, you most likely have some questions as well.

With that in mind, here is what no one tells you about therapy – but should!

It’s Not Like on TV

Pop culture would have you believe the minute you step foot into a therapist’s office, he or she will have you looking at Rorschach tests and talking about your dreams within minutes.

While these approaches can be used in therapy, they more than often are not. Dream interpretation can come up, but typically only if the client wants to discuss an interesting or disturbing dream they had.

Also, many people think the entire session is devoted to discussing your early childhood years and the effect your parents have had on your life. While many therapists will want to get a history on you to uncover specific behavioral patterns and emotional memories that have helped wire the brain, the idea of therapy is NOT to blame your parents for all of your current troubles.

You Won’t Feel Better Immediately

Though the end goal of therapy is to create better habits and behaviors that lead to creating a happy and fulfilling life, the process of getting there will sometimes be uncomfortable. It is unrealistic to expect you will feel better immediately. Therapy takes time and commitment.

You Have to Want to Change

You can seek advice from a nutritionist and personal trainer who will give you the tools to get fit and healthy. But if you don’t take their advice and you don’t do the work, you won’t see results.

The same is true for therapy. Your therapist will be gentle and kind and go at a pace that feels comfortable for you, but ultimately you have to want to get better. It takes work from you to get there. And the way people get better is to face their own behaviors, recognize the patterns, and make healthier choices. But don’t worry, your therapist will be there with you every step of the way, cheering you on.

Therapy isn’t magic, but it does provide you with the tools for lasting change.

If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

Filed Under: General

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Email: info@themmi.org


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